L-L-L-Lenny and the Feds

Routine is defined as a course of action to be followed regularly. One example of a routine is to read the newspaper every morning and if you are a New York resident the NY Post is a beautiful way to start your day. Endless entertainment and required reading here in NYC. Today there was a special gift on page 15, especially for content hungry sports bloggers who yearn for their next feeding. (picture True Blood's Bill unconsciously sucking on Sooki to survive)

Lenny Dysktra decided to "address the people of the great City of New York." Right away you know that you are about to read something Amazin'. "I was wrong when I thought God put me on this earth to entertain people at Shea Stadium." Why does God always have to come into play? Leave Him alone. So Dykstra does even self-identify as a baseball player but rather an entertainer? On second thought, after reading this article I agree. And it only gets better. "I have come to realize that God put me on this earth to help people, to be a factor." Come again? A factor?

"Talk is cheap; I am about walking the talk." Did he pay for this shameless self-promotion on page 15 or did the Post publish it pro-bono for the entertainment value? "Bottom line: When all of the evidence is brought forward, the jury will be told by the judge to make an example out of these corrupt people so this does not continue to happen to other Americans." So now judges instruct juries on their decision. I'm no legal expert but I've watched enough episodes of Judge Judy and Law & Order to know that the judge doesn't tell the members of the jury how to vote. (And yes I can perform open heart surgeries after years of watching ER) Plus isn't Dykstra on trial? Not the Feds.

"It is also important for you to know that I did not get stupid overnight." Wow. "To begin with, I had $100 million in assets when I filed my Chapter 11." Re-read the first quote of this paragraph and then the second one again. Smart people file Chap 11 with $100mm of assets? I'm starting to see a pattern here.

And now drum roll please [cue drum roll . . . . . .] "I didn't make bad investments; every company that I have ever created or owned was and still is a winning company." WINNING!?!?!?! Did Dykstra just make a a Charlie Sheen reference? If winning is going bankrupt and facing 20 years in jail, then what is losing? Or maybe we are just jaded by the incessant media coverage of Charlie Sheenisms. "The corrupt world of bankruptcy is best described as 'the death chamber'." In that case, Lenny Dykstra welcome to the death chamber.

"The theft was committed by them, as they stole a car I was leasing from Ford. Heck, it was only a Ford Flex." The use of the word "only" is important here, I guess the Flex is below him. The Flex SE costs $29,995 and the Platinum starts around $41K. Mr. Dykstra could lease the Flex for $369/mo with $4249 due at signing (Ford.com). Side note: Claiming objectivity here. Do not own one and not promoting them either, just stating facts. I don't want to get sued and sent to the death chamber with Lenny.



He goes on to complain about not being able to shower for seven days. Also claims that they tortured him and that he told them to shoot him in the head because he's not going to back down. I didn't realize bankruptcy and obstruction could lead to mental and physical torture.

That's enough from me. I'll leave you with Nails . . . .